So to start the New Year off on a positive note I called a family meeting in order to discuss the value and importance of New Year’s Resolutions. I waffled on about the opportunity to make a new start, to embrace new practices and pastimes and to cast aside any previous corruptions and duplicity. I’d love to say that the tears being shed were induced at the power of my words but unfortunately not. They were tears of absolute mirth and hilarity. The lovely children found the whole notion of New Year’s Resolutions positively hilarious, or actually it could have just been the way I presented it. Maybe on account of their youthful status they remain much more clean living and saintly than I and so do not feel the need to have to change anything. God be with the days.
I’ve never understood why, at this time of the year, still swimming in excesses and with a brain like fudge, that we feel it is a good time to reinvent ourselves. We’re exhausted from all the late nights. We’re a stone heavier from endless eating and our Christmas hangover is still lingering. The house is upside down, the kids are keeping terrible hours and there is still turkey in the fridge. What a marvellous time, what a positive opportunity to embrace a New Year, set unrealistic goals for ourselves and our children and get a new determination to keep on top of things. Clear thinking and fresh ideas are never much on display at this time of year. Is it any wonder that the New Year’s Resolutions are always the same and are always smashed before January is out? I mean, every year I wish for a slim body and a fat bank account and every year they get mixed up so maybe, just maybe, this will be my year.
Once my lovely supportive children got over their bout of hysterical laughing, they went off and put their heads together. Always a worrying time for any parent. They then presented me with a list of their resolutions and the positive changes they were willing to make. Once I saw the first one, I realised what I was up against. The eldest boy decided he would make a positive impact on the environment by showering less in order to conserve water. Very thoughtful of him. My daughter insisted on spending more time in front of the television because it’s positively educational. Indeed. And my youngest son has vowed to play more video games because, as his mammy said, it’s a good workout for his brain. I hate it when my words of wisdom come back to haunt me.
The more I listened to their bizarre ideas the more I thought that maybe they are actually onto something. As much as I may wish it, I may as well accept the fact that my ambitions to be fitter, slimmer, richer, calmer and more organised have just as much hope as reaching fruition in 2019 as they did in 2018 i.e. none. So the beginning of a New Year should maybe be a time of reflection on the year that has past or a chance to just flip the calendar and start anew on a fresh blank page. Maybe it is time to poke a little fun at ourselves.
So my new and loftier ambitions are now firmly in place on the advice of my lovely children. Firstly, I will stop blaming the dryer for shrinking all my clothes since Christmas. I will reserve the right to reintroduce this excuse however when I begin to use the dryer. Secondly, I will stop setting three alarms to rouse me in the morning. There seems little point when I always just turn off the volume after the first one. And thirdly, and most importantly of all, I will not spend so much time sitting at the computer. Instead I vow to stand in front of the computer while I type for at least thirty minutes a day or for as long as it takes. Ah, I’m feeling better already. Happy New Year everybody…